Artist Statement

“...the matter and life which fill the world are equally within us; the forces which work in all things we feel within ourselves; whatever may be the inner essence of what is and what is done, we are of that essence. Let us then go down into our own inner selves: the deeper the point we touch, the stronger will be the thrust which sends us back to the surface.”
~Henri Bergson

There is a consciousness that exists inside of me. There is something within me that I don’t know how to explain. There is an intense emotion, a philosophical intuition, a living energy that pulsates through my body searching for an outlet. There is a feeling in my veins, like I’m a part of something bigger, meant for some more than just to merely exist, a feeling that separates me from the rest of humanity and often leaves me utterly alone. This force, while exhilarating at times, has been a great source of pain and frustration as I have struggled to understand it and the role it plays in my life. I know that this consciousness is the inner essence of who I am and it is a conundrum to not fully understand the most integral part of myself. I feel as if I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, intuitively knowing that some magnificent truth is waiting for me at the bottom, but I can’t seem to open my eyes to see what it is. The more I struggle to open them the tighter they shut. I am forced to be patient and to slowly learn of what it is that I cannot see by exploring the depths of my soul and my reactions to the world that surrounds me.

This compelling inner force has propelled me on a quest for meaning, for knowledge, a quest for a deeper understanding of both the internal and external lives that are the essence of humanity. I want to understand myself. I want to understand the things within me that I feel so intensely but cannot clearly see. I want to understand the overwhelming feeling I get when I close my eyes and breath in deeply, when I am moved to tears by a song, when I read something so beautifully poignant that I cannot seem to catch my breath, when I am blown away by the kindness of a stranger, and when my mind races at the thought of drawing closer to understanding all this. I believe in truth. I believe in nobility. I long to discover that which is good and gallant and pure. I want to live righteously, bravely, because there is truth in that and I believe that the truth will set me free.

My journey to understand is the reason that I exist and the reason that I create. To create art is to be in touch with something deeper than myself, deeper than who I am and what I believe. It has to do with a universal force; a burning that is bigger than the world we live in, bigger than our imaginations, bigger than our understanding or even our desire to understand. It’s daunting to feel something so immense within oneself, to not quite grasp this driving force behind every action, every word, and every brush stroke. My desire to create is a desire to understand, to feel and to express the overwhelming consciousness that is my essence.